10 Ways Trump’s Authoritarian Playbook Is a Cut-and-Paste Job from History’s Worst Monsters

1. Burn Books, Ban Brains, Kill Big Bird, Buy a Gilded Bunker. The Timeless Tyrant Handbook. From Roman emperors to Kim Jong-un, dictators know ignorance is power, and what keeps them in power. Trump’s GOP just updated the manual: Swap gulags for gilded Mar-a-Lago bunkers, book burnings, killing off Big Bird and Sesame Street, and “Mein Kampf” for… well, The Art of the Deal (a how-to guide for con artists and grifters).

2. Literacy Is a Loaded Gun - So Ban ItSlaveholders knew reading = rebellion. Trump’s and his heirs? They’re coming for school curricula (along with cronies like Ron Desantis, Gov. of Florida). If kids learn to count, they’ll tally his lies by age six. It won’t go over well if they can understand this. If they study history, they’ll notice his “patriotism” looks a lot like propaganda.

3. Bonfire of the Vanities - But Make It TwitterHitler torched “degenerate” art and books; Trump torches truth via tweetstorms and Mom’-for-Liberty. Why just burn books when you can gaslight the entire electorate? His pièce de résistance? Claiming Biden’s a “zombie robot.” Next, he’ll blame the Deep State and the Supreme Court for gravity.

 4. Music Muted, Minds Muddled. Pol Pot banned music to keep peasants too starved to revolt. Happy Jazz-loving peasants are a serious threat to a dictator. Trump’s tactic? Drowning dissent in a tidal wave of conspiracy theories. If you’re busy Googling “covfefe,” you won’t notice the wall he never built.

 5. Harvard Hates Him Because Facts Are Fascists. Why attack Ivy League schools? Because professors might point out “Mattel isn’t a country.” Actual scholars = threats. Critical thinking should be limited to a Starbucks drink order, not a skill.

6. Einstein Would’ve Voted for Who? Trump’s immigration crackdowns? A “keep out” sign for Einsteins-in-waiting. Because the guy who fled fascists would definitely endorse a wall and forceable relocating immigrants to Sudan in the middle of a decade long civil war as free “cannon fodder”.

7. “Ignorance Is Strength” - Now With 280 Characters of Fury. George Orwell’s dystopia 1984 is now a GOP campaign slogan. Bonus: Pair with Diet Coke and a QAnon subreddit and you have the stuff dreams are made of.

8. Patriotic Education = Cult Indoctrination. “Children will be taught to love America,” says Stephen Miller. Translation: Recite “USA!” until your soul’s a Trump merch hoodie. Don’t think, don’t question, just do.

9. Surveillance State or Just Bad Tinder Profiles? Checking visa applicants’ social media? Totalitarian chic! Bonus points if they’re flagged for liking a meme and refused entry to the United States.

10. 1984: The Musical - Coming to a Democracy Near You. Curtain call: “We Are the Champions” plays as the lights dim on democracy. Intermission snack: Propaganda Pop-Tarts.

 Final Thoughts

Trump’s playbook isn’t original - it’s a plagiarism masterpiece of The Dictator’s Handbook. History’s monsters would send him a thank-you note… and a cease-and-desist letter. But hey, at least he’s keeping tyranny “tradition” alive. Next season’s hot accessory? Uniforms. Wink.