F99.7 Trump-Like Personality Imitation Syndrome (TLPIS)

F99.7 Trump-Like Personality Imitation Syndrome (TLPIS)

Diagnostic Criteria:
All symptoms reflect compulsive emulation of Donald Trump’s signature behaviors, unrelated to actual proximity to Trump.

1. Oratory Aphasia:

   • Inability to form complex sentences despite pre-morbid eloquence. Speech devolves into:
     • Repetitive superlatives (“The best! Tremendous!”)
     • Non-sequitur pivots (“Many people are saying… WITCH HUNT!”)
     • Victimization refrains (“They’re all against ME!”, and “FAKE MEDIA”)

2. Reality-Distortion Grandiosity:

   • Claims of unparalleled genius/wealth despite contradictory evidence (e.g., “I invented the wheel”; “My $4,399 sneakers are luxury art”).

   • Insists crowds were “YUGE” when photographic evidence shows 17 people.

3. Hypertrophied Grievance Recognition (HGR):

   • Detects personal slights in neutral events:
     • Weather forecasts = “Deep State sabotage”
     • Golf handicap = “Liberal conspiracy”

4. Tanning Product Dependence:

   • Skin achieves Oompa-Loompa-grade orange hue via chemical overuse. Denies product use despite streaking on collars.

5. Combover Compulsion:

   • Deploys elaborate hair-strand deployment systems to conceal baldness, yet insists “It’s all natural, folks.”

Associated Features:

• Bodily Function Parades: Publicly details fictional bowel movements/presidential "health reports" (“I’ve got the best genes. Perfect poop!”).

• Nicknaming Prowess: Assigns juvenile epithets to perceived rivals (“Crooked Hilary,” “Little Marco,” “Sleepy Joe”).

• Gold-Plated Object Fixation: Spray-paints mundane items (toilets, staplers) while insisting they’re “24-karat luxury.”

Prevalence:

• Highest among:
  • Failed real estate developers
  • County commissioners with 47 Twitter followers
  • D-list celebrities on Cameo

• Vanishes abruptly upon subpoena service.

Risk Factors:

• Bankruptcy filings (>3).

• Unironic use of “truth” in social media handles.

• Owning a gilded toilet unironically.

Differential Diagnosis:

• Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Lacks TLPIS’s specific Trump-esque speech/behavior motifs.

• Delusional Disorder: Patient believes their own lies; TLPIS patients know they’re lying but find it “strategic.”

• Performance Art:  Requires self-awareness (excluded in TLPIS).

Treatment (Ineffective):

• Mirror Exposure Therapy: Forced viewing of unedited rally footage.

• Vocabulary Rehabilitation: Replacing “disaster” with “suboptimal,” “loser” with “electorally challenged.”

• Self-Awareness Serum: Trial drug; 100% failure rate.

Prognosis:

• Terminal: Symptoms worsen with proximity to cameras and social media accounts.

• Fatal Flaw: Patient inevitably declares “I could diagnose myself better!”